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You'll notice there is no title to this post. That was both intentional and unintentional... I've been sitting here staring at my computer screen much longer than I would like to admit, and my words are failing me (which I have to point out happens quite rarely). This post has been opened and closed multiple times over the span of the last week. I'm still not entirely sure it's ready to be read.

Over the past few weeks, there have been many items clamoring for the focus of my mind. Struggling with what I want to do, and what I "should" do has been a common theme in many different arenas.

As I come closer to graduating college with a four year bachelor's degree, the more people I see who are committing themselves to another person. Maybe its selfish, but I truly believe that should my future husband make it into the picture, I'll be in the middle of living my dreams. Right smack dab in the middle of living my dreams. I italicize and repeat that for emphasis, in case you missed it. Not just thinking about my dreams or listing off a hundred reasons why they're too unattainable. No. I will not stop chasing my future to stand around aimlessly waiting (for someone or something).

From one of my favorite daily readings, I draw the courage to continue to plod ahead, "A woman should be so hidden in Christ that a man has to seek Christ just to see her". Charles Stanley also touched on this subject, "Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we're waiting for". Settling is not a word I like to associate with my vocabulary, so I certainly do not intend to let it into my heart.

If I've learned anything in my short twenty-one years on this beautiful Earth, it is that time is precious. We cannot take more of it, nor can we give back time poorly spent. Our time here is a gift, to be cherished. With our time we should strive to make ourselves better, and in turn the world better. I do not believe any one person should be committed to another until they know who they are by themselves. That may seem like a silly statement to make, but few people truly know who they are (and to Whom they belong) before committing themselves to another. If I'm not my best me by myself, I certainly can't be someone else's best half. Jason Evert, a fabulous Catholic speaker I heard at the FOCUS conference last January, says it best, "Don't worry about finding your soulmate. Find yourself and let God do the rest".

Another constant tug in my mind and heart is where to live and teach. After spending a summer abroad in Spain, France, and Italy, it seems almost unfathomable that I would ever stick around the rural Midwest. However, though I was not born here, the Midwest holds a special place in my heart- my second home. I have been blessed to have been raised in a place that has high academic standards, safe neighborhoods, and more than anything, a will to work. The drive and motivation I've learned have shaped who I am and what I have done. It also helps me see who I want to be. I refuse to be the person who stays around because it is "comfortable". If I wanted comfort, I'd buy a great big Lazy Boy recliner, wear pajamas all the time, and never leave the house! I want adventure. I want awe-inspiring moments of humility and grace. I want to live in places where I can appreciate the beauty of another culture. I want the thrill of booking a ticket and not looking back. I want my life and my passions to inspire others. In short, I want to be better. Better than my fear of the unknown. Better than my impatience and compulsion to plan. Better than the selfish me who doesn't want to work harder to do more. Better. 

I am a firm believer that travel makes you better in a way that nothing else can. By traveling, we allow ourselves to experience life and people in a way otherwise impossible. One of my favorite anonymous travel quotes sums it up best, "Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer". Now wait, go back and read that again. Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer. That must be a paradox, right? Wrong! I, and anyone else who has travelled, can defend this statement with impressive vigor. Travel has filled me with excitement, panic, wonder, awe, and more than anything, humility. Humility for who I am blessed to be, what I am blessed to know, and how I am filled with the yearning to travel more.

Lacking a cohesive conclusion to this post seems fitting. I do not have the answers to any of these predicaments, nor do I think I want them. Rather, with honest prayer and petition, I pray to let myself be guided not by my desires, but by the purpose for which I am here (which of course, I have not quite nailed down yet)...