As I've been attending classes at SDSU since last Monday ("education boot camp"), this particular question has been running through my mind over and over. Am I a student teacher right now, or am I still a student? From the structure of my coursework at the university and the vast majority of busywork I've been assigned, I'm leaning towards the second option. Despite my extensive preparation through the teacher education program, the department insists upon overwhelming me with more assignments instead of letting me give my all to my student teaching experience.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful; I know that I am blessed in many ways. My frustration stems from the fact that I want to do my best and learn as much as I possibly can from my two wonderful mentor teachers. Instead, I'm forced to split my time and jeopardize my learning for frivolous university work. Though I do suspect my instructors mean well, that does not placate me as I try and give 100% to two very different aspects of my last semester as a college student.
The past week and a half with my student teacher peers has opened my eyes to the many controversies and challenges that I will face as a secondary teacher. From all different directions we've been hearing varied advice on the same topics- how do I decide what to try and what to ignore? At what cost to the students will my indecision have? The inundation of information (educational law, ethics, classroom management, power bases, misbehavior, consequences, prevention, assessment, planning, governing standards, modifications, accommodations, and SO much more) has begun to take it's toll... One of my classmates today couldn't have said it better: "They're making me forget why I even want to be a teacher". PEOPLE. That's the sad reality of my mind and heart right now. Deep down I know why I want to be a teacher, but that is being heavily overshadowed by the muck of "education boot camp".
I'm so glad that I have a loving support system to help me through these difficult times, but it's grappling with challenges like these that worry me. According to Claudia Graziano in her article on Edutopia, Public Education Faces a Crisis in Teacher Retention, "Every year, U.S. schools hire more than 200,000 new teachers for that first day of class. By the time summer rolls around, at least 22,000 have quit. Even those who make it beyond the trying first year aren't likely to stay long: about 30 percent of new teachers flee the profession after just three years, and more than 45 percent leave after five" (read the full article here). Note the use of the word flee- not just leave, or retreat, but actually flee from the profession of teaching.
On a related, but slightly divergent side note, I've started reading Jesus Calling each day. This daily devotional has been on point each and every day since January 1st- hard to believe I know. Today's words especially stuck out to me, both personally and professionally:
"Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties".
As I look to tomorrow, I hope to have the strength to lean on God to guide me through this time in my life. Here's to letting go and letting God!
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